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6.26.2008

After the Storm

And I'm back.

The Smoodge had a ...get this... Laparoscopic Cholecystectomy on Tuesday, so needless to say the last couple of days have been a bit uncharacteristic. I apologize. We'll figure out some way to pay for your therapy later.

So yeah, she had her gall bladder removed. How random is that? Threw all the nurses and hospital staff off, that's for sure. But no matter, she's home now, she's well, and she's gall bladder free.

I'm trying to work up the energy to tell you the story, but I've had to tell it so many times today I kind of am sick of it. So here's a short version... or my ATTEMPT at a short version:

The Smoodge had her gall bladder taken out Tuesday. The end.

How was that for short? Hehe, kidding, okay, for real:

She went into the hospital Tuesday morning to have her gall bladder removed. After the surgery, the surgeon came out and told me that there was some 'material' on her gall bladder that had suggested previous inflammation. Nothing severe, but still. He also said that she had what looked like 'gravel' in her gall bladder other than the stones they saw on the sonogram. Basically The Smoodge has been making this 'gravel' for who knows how long and that she had probably passed a stone or two or three in the past. This is hopefully the cause of her liver levels and everything else. We'll just have to see on that, but fingers crossed! Anyway, she was in recovery for a bit, then got transferred to the pediatric unit, where she pretty much slept for all of Tuesday, and didn't want to be held by anyone but me. And how can you say no to the most pathetic baby girl ever? You can't, so I'm the one who got bed sores after SHE had surgery. Wednesday morning she was doing so well that the surgeon cut her out of there about 2 hours early, and after we got home you would have never known that she had had surgery less than 24 hours before. Except for an occasional face and grabbing of the tummy when she'd lean or bend over, she did great. Okay, any questions?

There are more details, some more stuff that happened, but did I mention how sick I am of telling this story? You've gotten the important stuff, now I'm going to lunch.

Oh, and yes, I did ask for the gall stones, but they got sucked into the little vacuum thingie before they could get any for me. Guess I don't get to make those earrings after all...

6.23.2008

Passing the Time

Tomorrow morning I take The Smoodge in for surgery. She's not even 20 months old, and she's going to have her gall bladder removed. As well as the stones it's encasing. So now I've got to spend the next 13.5 hours trying to stay busy, because if I stop for a second and think about what is about to happen, I may very well freak out.

And you won't like me when I freak out. *sigh

It's Not Paranoia

...if someone is REALLY out to get you. And I'm pretty sure they are. All of them. They call themselves co-workers, but I actually think they might be part of a larger alien conspiracy in which they try to see how far they can push me before I climb on the roof and pick them off with a sniper rifle as they head out for lunch.

Warning to the aliens: I'm almost to that point.

Ode to Worst Monday Ever

To start this awesome Monday, I awoke to the beginning of uterine hell. I hate that, but thought to myself, Self, you can work through this. And I did, and had even begun to enjoy my day despite all that....that...punishment for being a woman.

So I head to work, drop off The Smoodge, and stop at a gas station for a soda. As I got out, I realized the idiot next to me in a Toyota 4runner is parked at a weird angle. Now, I parked far enough over that if he were even the slightest bit capable of operating a motor vehicle, he could have backed out without hitting me. But being as leery as I am of mankind and their capabilities to use cognitive thought, I went ahead and memorized his license plate number. Walk to the door, smile at the older gentleman and his about 10 year old son as I walk inside, get my soda, begin to pay. Right after I slide my card, the Harley rider that was parked in the spot on the OTHER side of the 4runner comes in and says, hey, that guy in the SUV just hit that little red car. SON OF A BITCH I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO DO THAT! Yeah, that's what I said at more than a whisper inside the Tetco. So I called SAPD, and to make a long story short, filed a report and headed into work.

WHILE I was dealing with all of that, the surgeon called about The Smoodge's surgery. They want to do it tomorrow. As in Tuesday. As in 24 hours from now. My mom is flying down here on Thursday for her surgery on Friday, but a fat lot of good that does if the surgery is tomorrow. So now I'm in the midst of trying to get the airlines to NOT be ass hats, and unfortunately I think that might be part of their job description. We'll see....

And all this while the creature from Alien is making it's attempts to crawl out of my belly button. (credit to A.Shine for that awesome and accurate visualization). Mommy may start drinking at lunch today.

6.22.2008

Things I've Learned From Baking

1. Baking is harder than it looks. Hard=sucks.
2. There is a right and wrong way to use an electric mixer. By the looks of my kitchen wall, I apparently only know the wrong way.
3. Don't eat the batter.
4. Egg yolk is slippery stuff.
5. 'Finely grated carrots' does not mean use baby carrots to grate.
6. Also, graters are sharp. The missing skin on my knuckles is a testament to that.

I may add more as I think of them. I've got to go clean up after my baking fiasco. As well as write a letter to the frozen food people praising their ingenious. A baker/cook I am not.

6.21.2008

Single Saturday

I was without The Smoodge today, and I accomplished quite a bit. Washed my car (it's so SHINY now!), got my oil changed (only 2,000 miles late), got new brake pads (but still need new rotors), got my inspection updated, registered my vehicle, took a shower, went grocery shopping, and watched the last weeks worth of Young and the Restless. I don't think I accomplished that much at work this past week.

As much as I get done without her, with everything I did I thought about how absent she was during those activities. Especially at the grocery store, because we go grocery shopping together every weekend. We have a routine on the weekends. Saturday morning we sleep in, then head over to Wal-Mart, have breakfast at the McDonald's there (always, always ALWAYS a bad idea to grocery store when hungry on a budget...always), then do the shopping, me pushing the cart, her standing in the basket dodging the frozen foods I toss in while either waving Miss America style to everyone that passes or yelling at them for who knows what a 19 month old yells at others about. And as stressful as that can get, it's always amusing. And today it felt so empty. I could go into this long diatribe about how much she means to me, how I can't imagine my life without her, but I think you can derive that from the 'and today it felt so empty' part. So I'll just leave it at that.

I did buy her a potty today though while I was there. After waking up this morning with her assuming the position on my leg, diaper in hand, it was time to make my move. And man, some of those things have bells and whistles out the wazoo. They even had one that was a miniature toilet with all kinds of stuff to look at and play with. I did not buy that one. If I were little, I could not piddle on a potty like that. There would be entirely too much to do. Hell, I don't think I could piddle on that potty now. I can multi-task like a mo-fo, but put me on a toilet and I'm a woman on a mission. Any distractions delay the purpose. And I don't have time for that. So I did not get the potty that has a tiny little roll of fake toilet paper to spin while you try to make water. And I did not get the potty that starts a small parade with balloons and a marching band as soon as urine hits the sensor. Nor the pretty pink one that is advertised as the 'most comfortable seat in the house.' All of those seemed stupid. And were expensive. And if I'm going to waste money, it's not going to be on something you put your bodily waste into...that I'M going to have to empty out. So yeah, The Smoodge has officially begun her unofficial potty training. This should be interesting.

6.20.2008

Absolutely Nothing

That's what this post is. Because I won't have anything worth blogging about until this afternoon. And no I won't tell you why. I don't want to explain it twice. So instead, I'll leave you with these awesome pictures that fell victim to photobombers. Which is the most awesome past time ever.






Yes, I'm aware that the layout is jacked. This is me, NOT CARING.

6.19.2008

This Post is for Catkins

50. I USED TO EAT LIMES AND SALT. A LOT.

That's how she phrased it. And I would almost agree. Here's how I would have phrased it:

50. Under immense peer pressure in high school and years after, I was forced to eat limes and salt by my friends
:)

I can't believe I left that out, especially because I gave her crap over putting it into her 50 things. And to let you in on a secret, I will still tackle some limes with salt. I would MUCH rather do that then put the hurtin' on some green olives.

Love ya Catkins!!

Today's Forecast:

Cranky, with a bit of temper tantrum and a good chance of crying.

And no, I don't know why. What I do know is that the ex of all people has absolutely no right to stand out in the parking lot of a police station while my daughter sits in his vehicle and talk shit about me to a complete stranger.

Ass hat.

Right now, the only thing that is keeping me from beating him to a bloody pulp with a baseball bat is the fact that I got his tax return. And that makes me happy. HaHA!

6.18.2008

Fifty Things About Me

I am totally stealing this concept from catkins, because I'm kind of at a loss for words today. It's been an interesting day, that's for sure with some highs and lows, but fifty things about me is where I'm going to leave it. For a couple of reasons. 1, I don't think I can come up with fifty things, and B, ...., crap I can't even come up with two good reasons as to why I'm doing this... Well, here we go....

1. My middle name is Jo
2. Once upon the time I played the flute
3. I have a wonderful amazing daughter that has taught me more about life in 19 months than I ever learned in 27 years.
4. I am obsessed with reading about other people's lives.
5. I named my daughter after an actress that I am totally in love with
6. I am still a fan of the NKOTB
7. I hate living in an apartment
8. I occasionally enjoy a trashy novel or two
9. I don't like change
10. I can be fairly self-destructive, but I'm definitely working on it
11. I have quit smoking after XX years (no, I will not tell you how long)
12. I keep an emergency pack of cigarettes hidden
13. I want to make something of myself, but I still don't know what that something is
14. I am slightly panicked over the thought that I'm only on number 14 and am completely drawing a blank
15. I miss my old friends, and wish we were closer
16. I can't fall asleep before midnight, no matter how I try, without help
17. I hate sleeping alone
18. My daughter still sleeps in bed with me (due to #17), and probably will until she kicks me out of her bed
19. I take credit for how good my plants look, even though it's because of A.Shine because she gave me idiot proof plants
20. I'm not as strong as I act. In fact, I'm pretty weak
21. I have set a goal to lose 50 lbs.
22. I have not set a plan on how to lose the aforementioned 50 lbs
23. I want to go back to school, but don't want to sacrifice time away from my daughter to do it
24. I have a temper
25. I can eat a jar of green olives and not feel even a little guilty about it
26. I have an entire collection of CD's that I have absolutely no interest in ever listening to because they aren't mine
27. I think feet are gross. Seriously, seriously disgustingly gross *gag
28. I am designing a tattoo that will cover my entire upper left arm
29. I took out a loan in college for $500 that I am not even thinking about paying back
30. I constantly worry about having enough money to pay for everything The Smoodge needs medically
31. I barely recognize myself since I had The Smoodge, and sometimes I resent that
32. I can procrastinate like a mo-fo
33. I have lots of things I want to do, but make no effort to do them
34. I can still put one leg behind my head
35. I miss playing beach volleyball
36. I think fairy tales are bull shit and I have a hard time allowing my daughter to hear about them
37. I want to move to Australia
38. I feel like once The Smoodge goes to bed, I become a prisoner in my own home
39. I really suck at coming up with fifty things about me
40. I have a box of things from my wedding and marriage that I've sealed with industrial strength tape that I plan on giving to The Smoodge one day, but even the sight of it makes my heart hurt.
41. I'm a huge fan of instant gratification
42. I don't know how to drive a stick
43. I want a motorcycle
44. I am so close, yet so far from finishing this, and SOOO tempted to quit
45. I can't cook. At all. We would both starve if it weren't for the microwave
46. I have the world's best cookie and fudge recipes and I won't share it with you, but if you are really nice and buy me liquor, I will bake some for you
47. I hate shaving my legs because I suck at it. I can never NOT get either razor burn or a rowdy cut
48. I sometimes have to resist the urge to color on the walls
49. I'm very selfish, and I know it, and I expect others to accommodate that
50. Crap. I got nuthin'. Feel free to comment on what my #50 should be (yea! Audience participation!)

6.17.2008

The Last Few Days

I finished payroll, but not early enough to feel like I'd accomplish anything by leaving early, so instead I'll blog :).

This past weekend The Smoodge and I went to the Folklife Festival, which I provided a link for in a previous blog, so go there to click on it. It was fun, lots to see, lots to do, lots of SWEATING. It was hot. I'm pretty sure I saw someone frying bacon on the trunk of their car. Despite my best slathering attempts, The Smoodge still got a bit of a sunburn, but it quickly went away, so I'm thinking maybe she was just hot. Her poor little hairs were drenched in sweat, so much so the back was all curly. And stiff. Sweat. God's mousse. Anyway, we had a good time. We spent a lot of time at the Irish booth, mostly because it was one of the Irish that got us into Folklife Fest for free (whoo-hoo, alliteration!), but also because The Smoodge blended in best there. Red hair, blue eyes, chubby cheeks, white skin. I'm surprised no one tried to steal her! Of course, by the time we left, she was not the pleasant little munchkin in the world... I may try to find a little kilt for her to wear, or whatever it is that the girls wear. If she's gonna be cursed with skin that catches on fire and glows in the dark, she may as well get to cover it in plaid, right? I posted some pics of the Folklife Fest on my Flickr (also a link I've already provided), and I'm going to try to post some more tonight. We'll see.....

Yesterday wasn't that productive. As are most of my days. Oh I was busy alright. But was I busy doing my job you ask? Nope. No I was not. I was busy batting clean up for the rest of the slackers I work with. Don't even get me started. My only relief came from laughing at one of the women I work with behind her back (that's really the best way to laugh at someone). She was wearing black panty hose and black fuzzy slippers with buckles on them. The buckles apparently made them work appropriate. When asked WHY she was wearing fuzzy slippers to work, she said it was because she had an ant bite. An ant bite. AN. ANT. BITE. And in case you were wondering, yes, yes she is the same Best Dressed Employee winner who wore white panty hose with Jesus sandals.

Last night I watched an incredible movie, August Rush. If you haven't seen it, you've lived half your life for nothing, and I recommend either running out and renting/buying it immediately, or ending it all right now by jumping out your office/home window. It's that good. Go ahead.... I'll wait while you figure out what it is you want to do.

For those of you that didn't jump out the window, I'll move on to today's exciting happenings. Mostly I just did payroll, which is oh-so-thrilling, but I was also able to yell at a few people to break up the monotony. Oh, and seriously, calling me and leaving four 2+ minute messages, then calling everyone that works in the office to get in touch with me is NOT THE BEST WAY TO GET IN TOUCH WITH ME! If anything, every time I hear your name you will be moved to the back of the line. In fact, you get moved to the back of the line that doesn't even start until November 18, 2010. And if you have your wife call me again...well...I'll cash your check my damn self. Seriously.

And then there's the boss situation. Where I work is very family oriented. And by family oriented I mean lots of family members work here. To the point where I wonder if maybe there wasn't some in-breeding. DEFINITELY some nepotism. Anyway, here's the information you need for the following story. There's my boss, whom we'll call HBS (for head boss, right A.Shine?), and then there is his sister, who also works here, whom we'll call.... Mosquito. We could probably call her by her real name, since HBS only has one sister, but it makes the story so much more interesting if everyone has code names. So Mosquito just moved back here, and has been pestering me the last couple of days for a new phone. We're in the process of a changeover with our work phones, so I was somewhat hesitant, until Mosquito assured me that HBS had said it would be okay to get her the cheapest phone available. This happened yesterday. Today, HBS graced me with is presence and handed me the phone of someone who recently quit, whom we'll call Banshee. That's not at all important to the story, but you should know that this woman was INSANELY LOUD. SHE SPOKE IN ALL CAPS, ALL THE TIME. AND THE ALL CAPS ALL THE TIME IS JUST HER NORMAL SPEAKING VOICE. WHEN SHE GOT EXCITED....well, I don't have a font big enough. Anyway, I digress. So HBS brings me Banshee's phone, says here ya go, and walks off. And I'm holding the phone and I think, hey, maybe instead of spending money on Mosquito's phone, she can just use this one. I run after HBS and say, hey, HBS, do you care if Mosquito uses this phone? I mean, I know you said to get her whatever is cheapest, and and since free is the cheapest of them all...- He cuts me off at this point and says, I never said that. Straight-faced. And without thinking I start into, Mosquito said that you said... Trailing off into nothing because I realize that I just got sucked into a little bit of brother/sister he said/she said. Instead I finish with, you know what? I'm not even getting into the middle of this. And I walk off. Feeling like a complete idiot. So guess what, Mosquito? From now on, your HBS approval's will need to be done in writing. With a signature. In blood. So there.

Whoo-hoo! I've succeeded in killing enough time to that it's time to go! HASTA SUCKAS!!!

6.16.2008

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Found.

~August Rush

6.15.2008

Rude Awakening

This morning I woke up suddenly to the sound of running water. Imagine the way a hose sounds as water comes out mid-force onto warm concrete. That's exactly what it sounded like. I sat up in my bed, confused, disoriented, and look around my bedroom trying to figure out what the hell is going on. And do you know what I see? I see my daughter, standing over by her diaper genie. NAKED. And do you know what she is doing? Peeing on the diaper genie, diaper in hand.

I don't care if potty training at 19 months is too early. If she's old enough to take off her diaper and stand in the corner and piss on something like a dog aiming at a fire hydrant, then she may as well aim it right into a little potty.

6.14.2008

Folkfest

Just posted some pictures from Folkfest on Flickr. I'm kind of tired and sunburned now, so I'll post about it tomorrow. We had a great time, so a special THANK YOU goes to O'Brian for the ticket...and the freebie tea :)

6.12.2008

She's Tired Too...

...or you could title this, How I Lost My Mother of the Year Award.



Did you notice the food on her chest? That's my girl! Also, is it bad that I held the camera and laughed despite her being perilously close to falling out of her chair?

*WARNING* C- word usage ahead!!!

I know it's more than a little contradictory to tweet about actually working, then signing on to the blog for a post, but I'm considering it work for now because it's on my to-do list. Besides, I can't be nearly as productive if all I'm thinking about is blogging (yeah right), so it's best if I just get it out of my system now to enhance my work performance. Yeah. And that's what I'll tell my boss too...

The Smoodge goes to see the surgeon today about her gall stones. In theory. I'm half afraid she won't be at her appointment because her dad is a flaming cunt. And I know. That word. But you know what? Sometimes the situation just warrants it, and I gotta say, this is one of those times. Anyone who opposes can leave a comment and I'll make sure God gets your name so He can banish you to the pits of hell where the voice of Gilbert Gottfried will explain to you all the ways you went wrong in your life and Fran Drescher will sing you to sleep. At the same time.

6.11.2008

The Long and Short of It

Long day. Very tired. Too mentally exhausted to bitch about it even. So here's the run down:

Geneticist appointment today for The Smoodge. Chromosome 10 deletions (which we knew) are apparently large enough to see under a microscope (which means pretty big). We go see a surgeon tomorrow for her gall stones, we will need to make an appointment with a cardiologist to check out her heart (she has a murmur heard both above and below the heart), need to make an appointment with a ear, nose and throat doctor (she didn't respond to the tuning fork by sound or touch), and we need to see an opthamologist for her vision (she has droopy eyelids apparently). All of those things are common in what is known about Chromosome 10 deletions. All appointments that will be referred by her PCP, so I don't have names, dates, or times, just know it will be sometime in the near future. Oh, and just simply because I can't pass up an opportunity to say it in a public forum, her dad's a son of a bitch.

So yeah. Tired. Now I'm just faking my way through the rest of the work day. On further reflection, I should have taken the afternoon for drinking...

6.10.2008

The Big 1-0-0!

Yes people, this post means I have posted 100 times. I'm not sure if that's really good or really, really sad. Either way, yea me!

I don't have a lot to work with today for this momentous occasion. Today was payroll, so of course I was locked in my office with little contact with the outside world.

Oh my god. I lied. I just remembered something that completely freaked me out today. And it's not that big of a deal, except I remember staring at this, this...blasphemy, and feeling so very violated. Someone. In my office. Wore...wait for it...wait...for....it...... WHITE PANTY HOSE WITH BROWN JESUS SANDALS. Ugh. *shivering* Not joking. You can't fake that sort of horrific wreck. But there she was...in all her white panty hose jesus sandal glory. And you know what the most disturbing thing of all is. It was 99 degrees here today. I know. Let that mental image set in for a minute. Ugh. *gagging*

Hmmm...what else. One of the shows came back with boxes of samples, and you would have thought the colony of cockroaches had found some rotting flesh the way people were swarming those crates. I'll admit, I did take a box of Huggies disposable wash clothes, a couple of razors, and a few tiny bottles of lotion, but that was mostly all that was left. You should have seen people loading up their cars with cases, CASES, of energy drinks and what not. I don't get that whole energy drink phenomenon. It tastes like couch syrup with bubbles.

Tomorrow The Smoodge has her geneticist appointment. I'm looking forward to it and I'm not. We'll see how it goes.

6.09.2008

GTA vs CSI:Miami

I haven't decided what it is about CSI:Miami specifically that makes me want to jump into a game of GTA Vice City, but man, every time I hear that WAAAAAAAHHHHH! lead into the soundtrack of the show, I can almost feel the controller in my hand. I think it's the excessive use of white pants maybe. Or the blank stares on every one's face. Or all the flashy cars. Man, when I see them, I think, I could totally just bust into that and steal it, then drive it down the street like a bat out of hell. So I think that's what I'm going to do this evening for a bit. Get out the old games, controllers, and beat the hell out of some cops while stealing a car and running over old people. And they say games are too violent. Pa-SHAW!

I just got of the phone with a friend of mine, and I get the feeling she doesn't enjoy talking to me nearly as much now as when I smoked during our conversations. I realize that now I'm a little distracted because, well, for so long whenever I would have a phone in one hand I would have a cigarette in the other. And now that I don't, it's a relearning process for me. The nicotine withdrawals haven't been bad, it's more the habit itself that is taking time to get over. I just don't know what to do with that other hand! Also, I don't know how to keep from killing people at work. I used to be able to walk outside, grab a smoke, vent a bit, go back inside, and slide the letter opener back into the desk drawer without inflicting any harm on anyone. Now..well...it's gonna get interesting. Tomorrow is the first payroll that I've done without smoking. Let's see if I make it. More importantly, let's see if anyone else does.

6.08.2008

Weekend Wonderings

Apparently mass quantities of beer can give you a long lasting headache. To me, that is a more important warning to stick on the bottles than the crap about operating heavy machinery or don't drink while pregnant, blah blah blah. Maybe I would pay more attention if those warnings related to things that were important. Like, drinking a lot of this very yummy stuff will make your brain feel like there is a wire hanger being jammed through the back of your neck and out through the eyebrow of your right eye. That I would take note of.

The Smoodge and I stayed home all weekend. Friday night, boring. Can't remember what I did. It was obviously not important. Yesterday we went down to the pool for a bit, and The Smoodge is unafraid of water. She has no hesitations with walking forward into unknown depths and sinking like the little rock she is. And once she's under, does she panic? Nope. She just sits on the bottom, sticking her tongue out and waiting for me to pull her back to the surface. She's quite content down there. No kicking, no attempts to swim, just waiting. I haven't decided if she's REALLY that emo, or if she trusts me so explicitly that she'll patiently hold her breath until I grab her up again. I'd say it's 50/50 at this point.

A couple of friends of mine came over last night, which is where the mass quantities of beer were consumed. It was a good time, lots of laughs and a little bit of midnight swimming. Until the drunk and disorderlies from another apartment decided they wanted to come down and jump in, being all loud and rowdy. I was tempted to hold them under water, let them scream down there, but I hear that sort of thing is frowned upon, so I didn't. All four of them would stand at the edge of the deep end, hold hands, and scream at the top of their lungs something stupid. I'd tell you what the something stupid was, but I can't remember. That's how stupid it was. Anyway, they did that two or three times before I swam over to them and politely informed them to shut the hell up because there was someone around the pool that liked to call the cops on people in the pool after hours. They thanked me for the warning, did one more round of group cannonball yelling, and headed back from the pit of skank in which they came. I didn't feel the need to let them know that I was that someone with SAPD on speed dial. Anyway, they left, took the good mood with them, so we headed back to the apartment to fill back up on beer. It's been a long time since I've laughed that hard for so long...with the exception of this...so I'm glad they came out.

Today was much sleeping in, for both me and The Smoodge. She slept in because she woke up for awhile in the middle of the night and wouldn't go back to sleep. I slept in because of that whole wire hanger in my brain thing. When we were both able to pull ourselves out from under the covers, I did some housecleaning (BORING), some laundry (REALLY BORING), and cleaned out the closet (UBER BORING). It was good to get those things done though. You know, responsible adult, blah blah blah.

Now I'm watching the NBA playoffs out of the corner of my eye about to finish up the laundry. I know. The excitement is overwhelming. Try to contain yourself.

6.06.2008

Whoa!

I knew someone out there felt the same way as I did about that GoPhone Meatloaf commercial! And the article rocks.

And creeps me out ...

NKOTB

They are coming to SAN ANTONIO! AUGHHHHH!!!!

Tickets go on sale tomorrow. Please God, don't let the good seats sell out before I can get one.

FRIDAY!!!

WHOO-HOO!

And in honor of Friday, I can't think of what to post, at least not at this moment. So I'll just leave you with this link.

6.05.2008

Awww...Poor Bob

Today's 3pm post on Overheard:

The Copier Won Last Week's Fight, Too
Female coworker to copy machine: You have enough paper, you bitch.


We have a copier here lovingly named Bob. He's old. Bob also sounds like a washing machine (I think he knows my CPU, they get together for dominoes). No one has used Bob in a long time because we have two new copiers; sleeker, sexier copiers who are named Rico. Yes, they both get the same name because they are identical. And the brand name is Ricoh...says right on the front. Front Rico and Back Rico. So Bob gets very little use, and there's been talk that Bob will be disposed of. I personally don't allow that kind of talk around Bob because it hurts his feelings. But I am no longer in charge of Bob, so nobody cares what I think....maybe I need to join Bob and my CPU for dominoes...

ANWAY, the point being that the 3pm from today's Overheard made me think of Bob. Maybe I'll petition to have Bob moved into my office. I have a window he could look out of for his final days....

Untitled #2

Wow, that was so much easier than trying to be clever about the title. I think we have a winner people.

It's raining, and that makes me happy. It's been so stinking hot and humid and WINDY here lately that rain was the only logical choice for what happens next, except until today it wouldn't freaking happen. Hot, Humid, Windy...and clear blue skies. Who does that other than the beach?

My mind is slipping from me...or at least my memory. The mind thing is debatable only because I'm not sure I ever had one. Anyway, I was going to blog last night about this absolutely adorable thing The Smoodge did, but now, now I have no idea what that was. Just that it was absolutely adorable. And funny. Definitely worthy of blogginess. But no. The other thing I realized last night when I sat down to post was that I hardly ever take pictures of her anymore. I don't know what's up with that either. I guess I go through phases. One thing I HAVE to do sometime in the extremely near future is burn CD's of all my pictures on the computer. The CPU is starting to sound like my dishwasher, and since my sink is still full, I'm guessing that's a bad thing.

I'm quitting smoking. No really! For real this time. It's too expensive, and did you know that for what I pay on smokes I could get a kick ass gym membership? Who knew! Okay, now I have to take back what I just said because I can feel the pressure of quitting rising and it makes me need a cigarette...brb...

Kidding. I am going to quit. Sooner rather than later. I'm just kind of done with it. I always knew it would be a phase I'd outgrow, just like all those other phases that I'm not sad to see go (except the NKOTB...and oh yeah, I'm ecstatic about the reunion tour!!!), and it's just time. But here's the thing. Don't ask me about it. Don't talk about it. Don't ask me how it's going. Because doing any of those things means I gotta think about how awesome that nicotine rush is, and I'll hold you personally responsible for falling off the proverbial wagon.

Okay, boring talk done now. I gotta do some quick research on a college fund for The Smoodge that I'm going to talk to a guy about at 1. Who knew that the money you make selling crack could be invested so wisely?

6.04.2008

Cranky

I have this pissed mist hanging around me today. It's like that fog that always appears around werewolves you know?

Just consider yourself warned.

6.03.2008

The Email That Made My Day

Today's the day the eagle shits, so don't expect a real post from me. Maybe tonight...probably not though. Anyway, I just got this email and wanted to share with the world because, well, this is why I love A.Shine. I can always count on her for a random laugh in the middle of the day. I can completely see her working herself up.

Subject: Twits and Meebs
Dude, I think the Barracuda got to meebs which totally sucks. And your twits are killing me – I have no idea how to gain insight on what all this means if I can’t connect to meebs! Anyhow, the world is not going to end just because of that so I shall stand down on those two points.

The intro, the climax, the resolution. In three easy sentences.