Kiss it, I'm Irish

Has it been long enough for ya? Anyone still out there? This thing still on?

I'm blaming facebook. No seriously. Since I can constantly update my status there, by the time I get home in the evenings, or whatever, not so interested in recapping. You wanna know? Go check me out on facebook. Mandy Bell.

But seriously, I do want to get back into writing here. It was a good outlet, I had fun, and I definitely want to capture some of the memories of The Smoodge down so that later in life I can say, See? This is why Mommy drinks.

The problem in the last month or so has been the fact that my immune system is trying to take me down. And for real this time. I've had colds, allergies, gastroenteritis, kidney stones, and now? Today's current affliction? I'm pretty sure I'm getting a kidney infection. How awesome is that? I had one good day. ONE. Then back to the sick mill again. I don't know who I've pissed off upstairs, but seriously? I'm SORRY. A LOT. Could we just do the raining frogs thing or the locusts thing? Because I can at least go inside for that. I'll even smear some what is it? lamb's blood? on my door frame. Name it. But let's call a truce on the immune system, mkay?

The Smoodge has been kinda awesome during Mommy's bouts of death. Last week, after coming home from the hospital and still enjoying the effects of two bags of happy juice and a couple of vicodin, I crashed out on the couch. And ever the good little monkey, The Smoodge camped out right there with me. And mEl-mo.

I look like crap. Don't look at me. Look at The Smoodge. Who more and more often now is being called Monkey. We'll make a slow transition, don't worry. Anyway, how cute is she? The pic was taken by my friend Jennifer, who was kind enough to drive about 35 miles at 7am to take The, Monkey to daycare and me to the emergency room and stay with me all day until Monkey went to bed. However. That kindness was quickly erased when I discovered there were pictures. Come on, how good am I supposed to look after passing kidney stones and being fairly stoned myself? Pictures? Seriously? Gah.

Monkey's newest forte is Xtreme Temper Tantrums. I always knew there would be a day when that little angry redhead in her would appear, I just didn't realize it was going to be last Friday. Some warning next time would have been nice. So, I spent Thursday in the hospital/on vicodin, then Friday felt I could go in to work, provided I maintained my normal levels of narcos during the day (but not while driving. I timed it out). When I arrived at the daycare to pick up Monkey(maybe not such a slow transition after all), she was happy to see me. Ok. Normal so far. Then I asked her to put on her jacket so we could leave. It was at that point that I felt the earth shift on it's axis and hell open up to release the inner demons that are part of Monkey's Xtreme Temper Tantrum. She started with the face. Oh it's a sad face all right. Except I don't buy it. I know what comes next. Then, comes the pushing/hitting/biting self/pick your self mutilation here. Then. Then comes the best part. She falls to her knees, as if to plea with God one last time before being overcome like in the Exorcist. Next the face plant, the flailing limbs, the crying, the screaming, the gnashing of teeth. Her teacher in the evenings is a push over. And when Monkey went into this XTT, she immediately flew to her aid, wringing hands, saying, oh Monkey, oh, it's okay! Don't cry...blah blah blah. I told teacher to back off and leave her alone. I addressed Monkey and told her that I don't know what happened to my baby, MY sweet baby who lays beside her mommy all nice and sweet while Mommy births kidney stones with the help of water and narcos, but I want her back and I am not taking THIS baby with me. And I walked out. Seriously. I mean, not out of the whole daycare, because that would be mean, just out of the classroom, and I hid just out of site. And wouldn't you know it? Monkey stood up, brushed herself off, dried her own tears, and put on her jacket. The end. Bow for the audience. Curtains close. Exit stage left.

Not all of the XTT's have gone as well as that one. That one is my favorite because I'm pretty sure the teacher was about to internally explode right after calling CPS because I had just WALKED OUT ON MY CHILD. Also. The XTT's are kind of exhausting for me. Especially since I'm only running on half, if that, tank of gas anyway. Since that one on Friday, we've had probably three or four a day. So basically what I'm sayin' is....

One toddler, slightly used, $5 OBO.