Making My Death Bed

I haven't blogged in awhile.  I know.  You'll get over it.

Most of that has to do with all the craziness that has been going on in and around my life right now, and my complete inability to speak on it as honestly as I want to and my anger at the limitation of that.  From the birth of my younger sister's baby boy, to the complete lack of...I don't even know what...from my middle sister, to the garbage spewed forth from a man in my life (and no, it's NOT the ex), to the fact that I'm pretty sure my immune system has quit.  Which is good, because I fired it today and am now accepting applications for a new one.  One that doesn't have allergies, a consistent body ache, 101+ degree temperature, and the ability to cause me to sneeze so hard I have to make sure I didn't pee my pants.  I know.  Kegels.  I do 'em.  Doesn't matter.  Fuck you very much to all the catheters I've had in my life.

See how overwhelming all that is?  Throw in the amount of pressure I feel at work and you've got a cocktail for disappearance.  Hence, the not blogging.

I don't know that I'm back.  I do know that I've been on the couch all day long, suffering in quiet agony, while The Smoodge continually kisses my forehead and says, 'Mommy owie?  Owie?  Awwww...' and tries to force me to drink from her sippy cup.  And after a day of that, I'm awake enough to know that if I don't change positions, there's a very good chance my ass will stick like this forever, so here I am.

Oh.  I totally forgot to mention the fact that on Wednesday I was PUSHED fell into a cactus and only today was able to get all the barbs out.  Of my bum.  Yeah.  What was I gonna do?  Give the two year old the tweezers and tell her to go to town?  Not so much.  I completely appreciate Tina for doing that for me, but I also completely realize that THAT was a moment that is going to require therapy for everyone involved.  Once you have spent time bent over your best friends couch while she uses a flashlight, tweezers, and peroxide to pick stickers out of your right cheek, there's just no going back from that.  EVER.

And now I've spent more time in the upright position than my body is capable, so I'm off to lay back down in the Mandy shaped imprint on the couch.

*side note-apparently the spell check was created by a man because it doesn't recognize the word Kegels.  What does it want it replaced with?  Keels, Keel's, Gels, Kegs,  and Hegel's.  WTF.



No, not THAT VD. Valentine's Day. Duh. THAT VD would involve me getting some, which I am currently not. So it's both a blessing, and a curse.

I could go on and on about the blah that is Valentine's day, but that's boring, and besides, I can bitch about how single I am any day of the year. So I'll mix it up a bit and NOT do a post that will make you want to grab your nearest straight edge and start fraying the edges of whatever artery for you is closest to the surface of your skin.

So instead, today The Smoodge and I are chillin' like villains in bed. All day probably. Mostly because she's running 101+ temp. How fun is that? We're currently rockin' the 'Love is a Battlefield' theme on USA. First, Notting Hill. Which has led me to believe that I will never be truly happy in life unless I marry a Brit. Second up, Along Came Polly. That's where we are currently. I don't even really like this flick, but there is not really a whole lot else on. I thought maybe they'd be running a marathon of Burn Notice, which would have been AWESOME. I think I'd make a kick ass spy.

I just now realized that I could probably watch all the Burn Notice I can handle on or Dude. VD just got a whole lot better.

And for clarification, I don't mean the disease.



You can make one here.  And don't worry, it requires no thought process whatsoever, just a copy and paste and you're good to go.  So if you're lazy like me (after all, I'm posting the work of a computer in someones basement as opposed to actually blogging about something), do not fret, this web site's for YOU!





Cheater, Cheater

Totally cheating because this floated to me on facebook, but since I haven't posted anything in awhile....

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
(To do this, go to “notes” under tabs on your profile page, paste these instructions in the body of the note, type your 25 random things, tag 25 people (in the right hand corner of the app) then click publish.

1. I always use two towels when I shower. Always. And each one has it's own specific drying area. And never the two shall meet.

2. I have a cat named Natra and a dog named April. Natra is named after Sinatra, because he has blue eyes (he's a Siamese snow shoe). April lives with my mom 1000 miles away. Hopefully she'll get to come live with me this year.

3. I married my soul mate only to have him break my heart and leave me in the same year. I'm scared I'll never find that kind of love again. Also, commitment is shit.

4. I hate doing stuff like this. It puts all kinds of pressure on me to think about stuff. I usually spend a week or more obsessing about it before putting up crap like #3.

5. My best friend is certifiably crazy. Not crazy like psych ward crazy. Crazy like monkey in a knife fight crazy. Maybe psych ward crazy...

6. I'm certifiably crazy.

7. I have a 2 year old daughter that saved my life.

8. When I grow up I want to be a band director. I would love to go back to school and get my degree so I can, I just don't know how to do it while being a single mother with a 2 year old.

9. I'm OCD about really random things. And when those things get messed up, it seriously messes with my head.

10. I'm only on 10 of 25? Shit.

11. I have three re-occurring nightmares. One has ET in it, the other a castle, and the third involves Smurfs. Stop judging me.

12. I am deathly afraid of aliens and dinosaurs. And birds, but that relates to the dinosaurs.

13. No matter how hard I try, I cannot get to bed before midnight.

14. I just tried to skip 14 and go to 15 thinking no one would notice and I'd only have to come up with 24 things (well, technically 23, see #10), but felt guilty about it.

15. I can't cook. Seriously. I made some cookies last weekend with my daughter, and the recipe ingredients said to put in 1/2 tsp of soda, so I put in 1/2 tsp of soda, only to read later it meant baking soda. Upside: diet coke can be substituted for baking soda.

16. I have one tattoo, and that is a travesty. I'm designing my next one, and it's gonna be a BIG one.

17. I'm scared to death of needles. I guess I could have added that to #12.

18. I want to live in Australia. This may happen sooner rather than later if I can plan for it right.

19. I suck at planning stuff.

20. Most people who meet me think I'm a liberal, and it surprises them that I'm a conservative. I don't generally talk politics with people because everyone is entitled to their own brand of stupidity.

21. I don't want to have any more children. I hated being pregnant. If I do have more kids, I'll adopt.

22. My favorite thing ever is when Maura wakes up in the middle of the night and wants to cuddle. Favorite. Thing. EVER.

23. I hate going to professional photographers. They never capture the image I want. Also, I can't ever leave there without buying enough pictures to take home a CD. Because the thought of anyone throwing pictures of my daughter away freak me out. Like seriously freak me out.

24. It is taking me forever to finish this stupid thing. All of you who tagged me obviously don't know me at all. Also, all of you I've tagged, misery loves company :)

25. I love Bath & Body Works Midnight Pomegranate. Feel free to buy me presents.