Showing posts from March, 2011

At least he doesn't smell

My cat?  Kinda has it made.  Food regularly delivered to a location only he can access (namely, away from the pig dogs).  Run of an old house with lots of hiding places to inspect.  Two dogs and a Monkey to harass with his kick ass Kung Fu moves.  I even let him sleep pretty much anywhere he wants, be it on the couch (rarely), in Monkey's bed (when she's not in it), my bed, the coffee table (yes, this is actually a favorite post of his), or even in the kitchen window sill (when it's open).  He even takes over the dog bed when the mood strikes him.

In general, I leave him alone, he leaves me alone.  Which is what made him an appealing as a pet in the first place .  Not *him* specifically, but cats in general.  Neediness freaks me out, and cats?  They do not hesitate to let you know that they don't need you in their lives, and any indication other wise is a damn lie.  This system works for us.  Yes, there is occasionally snuggling, petting, playing.  But it's general…

I pretty much hate everyone.

I don't...forgive well.  I can hold a grudge like a champ.  And no, I'm not listing my good qualities.  I know these suck, and I should stop it.  But you know what?  That's easier said than done when you're a hermit.  Because all I have are my thoughts all the time non stop.  And when you are swimming through a depression, the likes of which haven't been seen in a long time, those thoughts?  Not necessarily rainbows and kitties.  Even in the good times, I'm not a rainbows and kitties type of gal.

So forgiveness?  Yeah, I struggle with it.  There's a lot of things in my life that I turn to God for, but asking for the strength to be able to forgive others?  I'm more than a little soft in that area.

But this?  I can totally get into this:

Some things really do never change

It's been about 4 years now.  And since the separation, almost five.  You would think that, by now, either something would have changed or I would have caught on that this is the kind of behavior I can expect all. The freaking. Time.

But no.  Like banging my head against a concrete wall.  Just ONCE I'd like a padded cell instead.

Here's the scenario:

I emailed the ex to let him know that The Monkey has been scheduled for hearing and vision screenings.  When the vision folk called me, they asked all kinds of questions about her insurance, whether or not this is covered, does she have this kind of plan, blah blah blah.  Questions that I don't have the answer to (that is a *whole* other story, one that I am far too tired to get into at the moment), nor could I obtain them on my own.  So we (the vision folk and I) decided that we would go ahead and set the appointment, with the understanding that I would get the answers to the questions and take the appropriate actions.



I'm pretty sure that's not a word, but whatever.  It's late, I'm the only one reading this, and you're not the boss of me.

It's been several weeks now.  With the insomnia.  Ever since things got rocky at work.  Well that's vague as hell.  Since things got REALLY rocky at work.  Not the usual rockiness of my boss being about as stable as the tectonic plates surrounding Japan.  A new kind that I was familiarly unfamiliar with.  I'd seen it happen to others, but it was never displayed towards me.  Until several weeks ago.

Familiarly unfamiliar.  That sounds like a legit phrase until you type it, read what you have typed, and then you feel like you have lost your damn mind and swallowed your tongue.  But I digress.

Rocky at work, and the stress began.  Worrying about what this meant, and what that action could mean, and why would she say that, and all the while, do they know that I know?

Losing that job wasn't stressful.  At all.  Being in that job was …

Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn

I'm not sure what I'm doing on here.

Not just because of the time frame.  I mean, that's an awkward silence in and of itself.  Hi, remember me?  Yeah, me neither.

I've moved.  It's been so long since I've written here I'm not sure if I wrote that I was going to.  But I have.  And here I am.  In a new home, in a new state, a new decade, and newly unemployed.  I've picked up some new habits, dropped some old ones.  It's like a whole new me.

And honestly?  I kind of hate that bitch.

It's almost like I'm back to my post-divorce life and mental state.  Everything up in the air, forging new boundaries, making a new path.  I did it before, I know I can do it again.

But....why?  To what purpose?  What was wrong with the way things were?  Why did I all of a sudden have this overwhelming need to make drastic changes?

The insomnia is back.  Clearly.

I feel like when I posted before, it was because things happened in my life.  That I actually had one …