Just call me... Kung Fu Gardener.

Not really, I kind of hate that name.  I don't even know why I said that.

It's *finally* that time again!  The cold weather crap has gone....wait.  Please tell me it's gone.... It's gone, right, Missouri?  This isn't just you screwing with me again?  Because I will cut you....  I am unstable as it is, and I really really can't....


The cold weather crap has gone, and the trees are getting those green things, and the bugs are flying, and the birds are eating stuff, and the cats are picking teams for their late night yowl offs.  Also?  Time to put in a mutha fruckin' garden.

I've already started the seeds.  Already.  Like I've been prepping this for months.  Actually?  Days.  I planted some in soil on Tuesday night, and I've done some more today.  I'm a little nervous about them taking.  I used a starter garden set I purchased last year, along with seeds that I got last year.  With the exception of today's plantings, it's all about a year old.  There's no reason why it shouldn't work, right?  *fingers crossed.

Tuesday I planted the seeds for quite a bit.  Carrots, big tomatoes, cucumbers, banana peppers, swiss chard (I don't even know what that is), watermelon, pumpkin, and little tomatoes.  And every. single. day. I check...usually two or three or twelve times...to see if anything has sprouted.  Obviously?  Nothing has.  I know that.  I'm not even worried about it not working yet.  But does that stop me from checking?  Nope.  It's like I'm hoping I can will the plants to grow.

Today at the big garden and lawn center here in Smithville....Dollar General...they had a display for three packs of seeds for $1.  Even with the tight budget I'm currently enjoying the hell out of (sarcasm. Sense it?) I could afford that.  So I picked up some cilantro, green peppers, and peas and got them planted as well.

I was standing over the dirt admiring my handiwork and...admittedly...using my mental gymnastics to will those things to sprout, when I realized that I have nowhere prepared for when they *do* come up.  Yes, there are lots of places here to put them, but it's all overgrown and weedy and dog poopy and littered with whatever crap the last strong wind shoved through.  Generally my gardens have been on a much smaller scale.  Two tomato plants, two cucumber plants, and I'm a freaking master gardener with a vengeance.  So taking an afternoon to throw together a garden has been no biggie.

But 12 different plants with multiple potted and hopefully infused with Charlie Sheen's Tiger Blood to ensure growth and prosperity?  Not including the strawberry plants the Monkey and I will pick up in the next few days?  That's a special kind of monster that even my master gardening skills is not capable of throwing together in an hour or so.

Now that I realize my weakness, I have taken action.  I identified the target area, raked up the nastiness, and began hoeing (hahahahahahaha....ahem) the bits of grass and clover that had dumbly set up shop.  I'm not done by any means.  This is something that will probably take me a few days or even weeks to complete.  Because I am that motivated.  And also because it's hard and I'll get tired and need to check facebook or send out resumes or something else equally important.  BUT, and this is the important part, I at least can be doing that instead of trying to grow plants with my mind.

And?  Since I have nothing else in my life going on that I care to blog about, I figured I could track my progress here!  Boom, baby!

Also because the BFF is going to be starting the same process as well, and we figured we could share our adventure this way.  You know, since she lives a bazillion miles away and all.

So I give you......waaaaait for it......the first in a series.....ladies and gentlemen.....MY GARDEN:

I should have taken a picture during the day.  I know.  But I didn't have this idea until tonight, and since I am pretty much the most not patient person ever, I took it and here it is.

It's hard to tell, but it's about 10 x 4, not including that raised area, or the raised area above that.  All of it needs to be dug up and fertilized (horse poo galore!) and structured to accommodate the plants.  And I still need to figure out what to put where.  But in the meantime, as you can tell, there is plenty to do.

I'll be working on it again tomorrow, so I'm sure I'll have another update then.  I know.  Edge of your seat, right?


Popular posts from this blog

I....you....it's.... Huh.

Who's the Chuck Norris of gardening now?

Blank spots