Making My Death Bed

I haven't blogged in awhile.  I know.  You'll get over it.

Most of that has to do with all the craziness that has been going on in and around my life right now, and my complete inability to speak on it as honestly as I want to and my anger at the limitation of that.  From the birth of my younger sister's baby boy, to the complete lack of...I don't even know what...from my middle sister, to the garbage spewed forth from a man in my life (and no, it's NOT the ex), to the fact that I'm pretty sure my immune system has quit.  Which is good, because I fired it today and am now accepting applications for a new one.  One that doesn't have allergies, a consistent body ache, 101+ degree temperature, and the ability to cause me to sneeze so hard I have to make sure I didn't pee my pants.  I know.  Kegels.  I do 'em.  Doesn't matter.  Fuck you very much to all the catheters I've had in my life.

See how overwhelming all that is?  Throw in the amount of pressure I feel at work and you've got a cocktail for disappearance.  Hence, the not blogging.

I don't know that I'm back.  I do know that I've been on the couch all day long, suffering in quiet agony, while The Smoodge continually kisses my forehead and says, 'Mommy owie?  Owie?  Awwww...' and tries to force me to drink from her sippy cup.  And after a day of that, I'm awake enough to know that if I don't change positions, there's a very good chance my ass will stick like this forever, so here I am.

Oh.  I totally forgot to mention the fact that on Wednesday I was PUSHED fell into a cactus and only today was able to get all the barbs out.  Of my bum.  Yeah.  What was I gonna do?  Give the two year old the tweezers and tell her to go to town?  Not so much.  I completely appreciate Tina for doing that for me, but I also completely realize that THAT was a moment that is going to require therapy for everyone involved.  Once you have spent time bent over your best friends couch while she uses a flashlight, tweezers, and peroxide to pick stickers out of your right cheek, there's just no going back from that.  EVER.

And now I've spent more time in the upright position than my body is capable, so I'm off to lay back down in the Mandy shaped imprint on the couch.

*side note-apparently the spell check was created by a man because it doesn't recognize the word Kegels.  What does it want it replaced with?  Keels, Keel's, Gels, Kegs,  and Hegel's.  WTF.