Self Debate

Today is the first day of four that The Smoodge has visitation with her dad.  Well, potentially four.  Until she turns three, we have an interesting visitation schedule.  For the last two years, he gets her on his days off, from 7:30am until 5pm.  The exception of that is the weekends, which he only gets the first weekend he's off in the month.  Once she turns two, he gets one 24 hour period with her a month, and when she's two and a half, he gets one 48 hour period with her a month.  Once she turns three, we'll go to standard visitation.  To make it weirder, his schedule is one where he works five days, with four days off, then five more days, with four days off, then SIX days, then four days off, repeat.

I'll give you a minute to do that math.

All caught up?  Fantastic, let's move on.  The Smoodge turns 2 next month.  Which means as of this moment, no overnights.  Next month?  One overnight.  This month?  None.  November?  One.  October?  None.  Right now-....okay, okay, you get it, I'll move on.

That being said, today when The Smoodge's father dropped her off, he informs me that unless I allow him to have an overnight with her on Saturday night, he will be unable to take her at all for the weekend.  I said, well, um, you aren't supposed to get her on overnights until next month.  At which point he says, UNLESS it's mutually agreeable.  I think right here is where there is a problem.  I don't think he understands that mutually agreeable means I have to agree as well.  I also don't think he realizes I'm not a complete idiot.  Obviously if he can't take her for the weekend unless he gets her overnight that means he's going out of town.  With my daughter.  Um.  Not feeling a surprise trip randomly sprung on me.  But, me being the adult I'm pretending to be, I say, well, I don't know that I can agree to that unless I have more details.  You are going out of town clearly.  Where are you going?  How long will you be gone?  He gets ass look on his face that I could have slapped off with the backside of a four by four, and just says he can do it if it's mutually agreeable.  *sigh.  So I tell him, look, I'm uncomfortable with this, but give me the information I'm asking for and I'll think about it and get back with you.

Since that time, where I personally think I was being SOOOO freaking reasonable, I've done some more thinking.  This man owes me several hundreds of dollars in medical expenses alone for my daughter, and is constantly claiming he doesn't have the money.  Yet he has the money to go on a weekend trip?  I'd sure love to be able to take four people on a weekend trip.  OH!  Maybe I would if I wasn't paying 100% of OUR daughter's medical bills!  You think?

So here's my question to you, the angry masses.  Would it be unreasonable to tell him that if he provides me with the information I'm requesting, and a check covering his half of the medical bills, he can take her for the whole weekend?  Or should I just let him take her once he gives me the info?  I mean, I just can't justify doing him a favor (which is technically what I'm doing) without some sort of reciprocation, right?


The Lily said...

I am unwed and no kids so take this for what it's worth: First I would have smacked the smirk off his face. But technically that is assault and therefore very bad.

Second, I don't think you are being unreasonable asking the five Ws. It's something responsible parents do. If he can't give you the nitty gritties then Smoodge needs to stay home.

I don't think asking for the money would hurt either, but I wouldn't hold my breath. But that is just me.

Me said...

Is it still assault if YOU slap him for me? Hehe, kidding :)

Catkins said...

I think you have every right to ask him WHERE he's going, WITH whom he's going, and WHEN he'll be back. If you don't like any part of any of those answers, don't let him take her. And, yes he should be paying for at LEAST half of the medical expenses. I'd remind him of that every time I saw him.
I've said it once and I'll say it again: it's a DAMN good thing I don't live in NB anymore.