Actually Not My Fault!!!

I just got some of the most awesome news EVER! Okay, maybe not ever, but pretty close, and actually, when you think about it, the only thing awesome about the news is that it's not my fault, the rest of it is pretty stressful and heartbreaking and blah blah blah. So ACTUALLY my most awesome news ever is kind of selfish and petty and probably not even worth mentioning because then you will see how selfish and petty I am and then question my morals...

Oh, what do I care! It's awesome news!

So, you know how The Smoodge has all these medical issues, right? The recent gall bladder surgery, acid reflux, esophagitis, heart murmur, chromosome 10 deletion, developmental delays, possible hearing and vision issues, weird feet thing, and whatever else I'm missing. Oh, and the liver thing, but that might not actually be a thing, we're still waiting on the results from that. Anyway, all the things, and the last time we were at the geneticist, they took my blood to help try to figure out what is going on with The Smoodge's issues. And that was in June. And they just called me a little bit ago to tell me the results. And you know what those results were? Drum roll please......................

I'M NORMAL!!! There is nothing wrong with my DNA! Her issues...NOT MY FAULT!!!!
*severe happy dancing commencing
**might possibly be more like happy headbanging and jumping off the walls

Which means, you, my darling ex. You, you, you. Well, you have retarded sperm. You're sperm is the genetic equivalent to a man wearing cut off shorts, a wife beater, and sporting a mullet with yellow stained buck teeth. And crossed eyes. And a toe or two missing. Or added. Stick that in your coffee and SUCK IT!

Me and my normal self, we'll just be chillin' over here, in the normal people section...


Catkins said…
Commence the jig dancing!!! I'm so happy. Have you told him yet? Can I be there when he finds out that it's HIS FAULT?!
Oh Happy Day!

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