floccinaucinihilipilification

And I'm back. The Smoodge had a ...get this... Laparoscopic Cholecystectomy on Tuesday, so needless to say the last couple of days have been a bit uncharacteristic. I apologize. We'll figure out some way to pay for your therapy later. So yeah, she had her gall bladder removed. How random is that? Threw all the nurses and hospital staff off, that's for sure. But no matter, she's home now, she's well, and she's gall bladder free. I'm trying to work up the energy to tell you the story, but I've had to tell it so many times today I kind of am sick of it. So here's a short version... or my ATTEMPT at a short version: The Smoodge had her gall bladder taken out Tuesday. The end. How was that for short? Hehe, kidding, okay, for real: She went into the hospital Tuesday morning to have her gall bladder removed. After the surgery, the surgeon came out and told me that there was some 'material' on her gall bladder that had suggested previous inf...

Tomorrow morning I take The Smoodge in for surgery. She's not even 20 months old, and she's going to have her gall bladder removed. As well as the stones it's encasing. So now I've got to spend the next 13.5 hours trying to stay busy, because if I stop for a second and think about what is about to happen, I may very well freak out. And you won't like me when I freak out. *sigh

...if someone is REALLY out to get you. And I'm pretty sure they are. All of them. They call themselves co-workers, but I actually think they might be part of a larger alien conspiracy in which they try to see how far they can push me before I climb on the roof and pick them off with a sniper rifle as they head out for lunch. Warning to the aliens: I'm almost to that point.

To start this awesome Monday, I awoke to the beginning of uterine hell. I hate that, but thought to myself, Self, you can work through this. And I did, and had even begun to enjoy my day despite all that....that...punishment for being a woman. So I head to work, drop off The Smoodge, and stop at a gas station for a soda. As I got out, I realized the idiot next to me in a Toyota 4runner is parked at a weird angle. Now, I parked far enough over that if he were even the slightest bit capable of operating a motor vehicle, he could have backed out without hitting me. But being as leery as I am of mankind and their capabilities to use cognitive thought, I went ahead and memorized his license plate number. Walk to the door, smile at the older gentleman and his about 10 year old son as I walk inside, get my soda, begin to pay. Right after I slide my card, the Harley rider that was parked in the spot on the OTHER side of the 4runner comes in and says, hey, that guy in the SUV just hit t...

1. Baking is harder than it looks. Hard=sucks. 2. There is a right and wrong way to use an electric mixer. By the looks of my kitchen wall, I apparently only know the wrong way. 3. Don't eat the batter. 4. Egg yolk is slippery stuff. 5. 'Finely grated carrots' does not mean use baby carrots to grate. 6. Also, graters are sharp. The missing skin on my knuckles is a testament to that. I may add more as I think of them. I've got to go clean up after my baking fiasco. As well as write a letter to the frozen food people praising their ingenious. A baker/cook I am not.

I was without The Smoodge today, and I accomplished quite a bit. Washed my car (it's so SHINY now!), got my oil changed (only 2,000 miles late), got new brake pads (but still need new rotors), got my inspection updated, registered my vehicle, took a shower, went grocery shopping, and watched the last weeks worth of Young and the Restless. I don't think I accomplished that much at work this past week. As much as I get done without her, with everything I did I thought about how absent she was during those activities. Especially at the grocery store, because we go grocery shopping together every weekend. We have a routine on the weekends. Saturday morning we sleep in, then head over to Wal -Mart, have breakfast at the McDonald's there (always, always ALWAYS a bad idea to grocery store when hungry on a budget...always), then do the shopping, me pushing the cart, her standing in the basket dodging the frozen foods I toss in while either waving Miss America style to everyo...

That's what this post is. Because I won't have anything worth blogging about until this afternoon. And no I won't tell you why. I don't want to explain it twice. So instead, I'll leave you with these awesome pictures that fell victim to photobombers. Which is the most awesome past time ever. Yes, I'm aware that the layout is jacked. This is me, NOT CARING.

50. I USED TO EAT LIMES AND SALT. A LOT. That's how she phrased it. And I would almost agree. Here's how I would have phrased it: 50. Under immense peer pressure in high school and years after, I was forced to eat limes and salt by my friends :) I can't believe I left that out, especially because I gave her crap over putting it into her 50 things. And to let you in on a secret, I will still tackle some limes with salt. I would MUCH rather do that then put the hurtin' on some green olives. Love ya Catkins!!

Cranky, with a bit of temper tantrum and a good chance of crying. And no, I don't know why. What I do know is that the ex of all people has absolutely no right to stand out in the parking lot of a police station while my daughter sits in his vehicle and talk shit about me to a complete stranger. Ass hat. Right now, the only thing that is keeping me from beating him to a bloody pulp with a baseball bat is the fact that I got his tax return. And that makes me happy. HaHA !

I am totally stealing this concept from catkins , because I'm kind of at a loss for words today. It's been an interesting day, that's for sure with some highs and lows, but fifty things about me is where I'm going to leave it. For a couple of reasons. 1, I don't think I can come up with fifty things, and B, ...., crap I can't even come up with two good reasons as to why I'm doing this... Well, here we go.... 1. My middle name is Jo 2. Once upon the time I played the flute 3. I have a wonderful amazing daughter that has taught me more about life in 19 months than I ever learned in 27 years. 4. I am obsessed with reading about other people's lives. 5. I named my daughter after an actress that I am totally in love with 6. I am still a fan of the NKOTB 7. I hate living in an apartment 8. I occasionally enjoy a trashy novel or two 9. I don't like change 10. I can be fairly self-destructive, but I'm definitely working on it 11. I have qu...

I finished payroll, but not early enough to feel like I'd accomplish anything by leaving early, so instead I'll blog :). This past weekend The Smoodge and I went to the Folklife Festival, which I provided a link for in a previous blog, so go there to click on it. It was fun, lots to see, lots to do, lots of SWEATING. It was hot. I'm pretty sure I saw someone frying bacon on the trunk of their car. Despite my best slathering attempts, The Smoodge still got a bit of a sunburn, but it quickly went away, so I'm thinking maybe she was just hot. Her poor little hairs were drenched in sweat, so much so the back was all curly. And stiff. Sweat. God's mousse. Anyway, we had a good time. We spent a lot of time at the Irish booth, mostly because it was one of the Irish that got us into Folklife Fest for free (whoo-hoo, alliteration!), but also because The Smoodge blended in best there. Red hair, blue eyes, chubby cheeks, white skin. I'm surprised no one tried t...

Found. ~August Rush

This morning I woke up suddenly to the sound of running water. Imagine the way a hose sounds as water comes out mid-force onto warm concrete. That's exactly what it sounded like. I sat up in my bed, confused, disoriented, and look around my bedroom trying to figure out what the hell is going on. And do you know what I see? I see my daughter, standing over by her diaper genie. NAKED. And do you know what she is doing? Peeing on the diaper genie, diaper in hand. I don't care if potty training at 19 months is too early. If she's old enough to take off her diaper and stand in the corner and piss on something like a dog aiming at a fire hydrant, then she may as well aim it right into a little potty.

Just posted some pictures from Folkfest on Flickr . I'm kind of tired and sunburned now, so I'll post about it tomorrow. We had a great time, so a special THANK YOU goes to O'Brian for the ticket...and the freebie tea :)

...or you could title this, How I Lost My Mother of the Year Award. Did you notice the food on her chest? That's my girl! Also, is it bad that I held the camera and laughed despite her being perilously close to falling out of her chair?

I know it's more than a little contradictory to tweet about actually working, then signing on to the blog for a post, but I'm considering it work for now because it's on my to-do list. Besides, I can't be nearly as productive if all I'm thinking about is blogging (yeah right), so it's best if I just get it out of my system now to enhance my work performance. Yeah. And that's what I'll tell my boss too... The Smoodge goes to see the surgeon today about her gall stones. In theory. I'm half afraid she won't be at her appointment because her dad is a flaming cunt. And I know. That word. But you know what? Sometimes the situation just warrants it, and I gotta say, this is one of those times. Anyone who opposes can leave a comment and I'll make sure God gets your name so He can banish you to the pits of hell where the voice of Gilbert Gottfried will explain to you all the ways you went wrong in your life and Fran Drescher will sing you to sleep. ...

Long day. Very tired. Too mentally exhausted to bitch about it even. So here's the run down: Geneticist appointment today for The Smoodge. Chromosome 10 deletions (which we knew) are apparently large enough to see under a microscope (which means pretty big). We go see a surgeon tomorrow for her gall stones, we will need to make an appointment with a cardiologist to check out her heart (she has a murmur heard both above and below the heart), need to make an appointment with a ear, nose and throat doctor (she didn't respond to the tuning fork by sound or touch), and we need to see an opthamologist for her vision (she has droopy eyelids apparently). All of those things are common in what is known about Chromosome 10 deletions. All appointments that will be referred by her PCP, so I don't have names, dates, or times, just know it will be sometime in the near future. Oh, and just simply because I can't pass up an opportunity to say it in a public forum, her dad's...

Yes people, this post means I have posted 100 times. I'm not sure if that's really good or really, really sad. Either way, yea me! I don't have a lot to work with today for this momentous occasion. Today was payroll, so of course I was locked in my office with little contact with the outside world. Oh my god. I lied. I just remembered something that completely freaked me out today. And it's not that big of a deal, except I remember staring at this, this...blasphemy, and feeling so very violated. Someone. In my office. Wore...wait for it...wait...for....it...... WHITE PANTY HOSE WITH BROWN JESUS SANDALS. Ugh. *shivering* Not joking. You can't fake that sort of horrific wreck. But there she was...in all her white panty hose jesus sandal glory. And you know what the most disturbing thing of all is. It was 99 degrees here today. I know. Let that mental image set in for a minute. Ugh. *gagging* Hmmm ...what else. One of the shows came back with b...

I haven't decided what it is about CSI :Miami specifically that makes me want to jump into a game of GTA Vice City, but man, every time I hear that WAAAAAAAHHHHH ! lead into the soundtrack of the show, I can almost feel the controller in my hand. I think it's the excessive use of white pants maybe. Or the blank stares on every one's face. Or all the flashy cars. Man, when I see them, I think, I could totally just bust into that and steal it, then drive it down the street like a bat out of hell. So I think that's what I'm going to do this evening for a bit. Get out the old games, controllers, and beat the hell out of some cops while stealing a car and running over old people. And they say games are too violent. Pa-SHAW! I just got of the phone with a friend of mine, and I get the feeling she doesn't enjoy talking to me nearly as much now as when I smoked during our conversations. I realize that now I'm a little distracted because, well, for so lon...

Apparently mass quantities of beer can give you a long lasting headache. To me, that is a more important warning to stick on the bottles than the crap about operating heavy machinery or don't drink while pregnant, blah blah blah. Maybe I would pay more attention if those warnings related to things that were important. Like, drinking a lot of this very yummy stuff will make your brain feel like there is a wire hanger being jammed through the back of your neck and out through the eyebrow of your right eye. That I would take note of. The Smoodge and I stayed home all weekend. Friday night, boring. Can't remember what I did. It was obviously not important. Yesterday we went down to the pool for a bit, and The Smoodge is unafraid of water. She has no hesitations with walking forward into unknown depths and sinking like the little rock she is. And once she's under, does she panic? Nope. She just sits on the bottom, sticking her tongue out and waiting for me to pull he...

I knew someone out there felt the same way as I did about that GoPhone Meatloaf commercial! And the article rocks. And creeps me out ...

They are coming to SAN ANTONIO! AUGHHHHH!!!! Tickets go on sale tomorrow. Please God, don't let the good seats sell out before I can get one.

WHOO-HOO! And in honor of Friday, I can't think of what to post, at least not at this moment. So I'll just leave you with this link .

Today's 3pm post on Overheard: The Copier Won Last Week's Fight, Too Female coworker to copy machine: You have enough paper, you bitch. We have a copier here lovingly named Bob. He's old. Bob also sounds like a washing machine (I think he knows my CPU, they get together for dominoes). No one has used Bob in a long time because we have two new copiers; sleeker, sexier copiers who are named Rico. Yes, they both get the same name because they are identical. And the brand name is Ricoh...says right on the front. Front Rico and Back Rico. So Bob gets very little use, and there's been talk that Bob will be disposed of. I personally don't allow that kind of talk around Bob because it hurts his feelings. But I am no longer in charge of Bob, so nobody cares what I think....maybe I need to join Bob and my CPU for dominoes... ANWAY, the point being that the 3pm from today's Overheard made me think of Bob. Maybe I'll petition to have Bob moved into my office. ...

Wow, that was so much easier than trying to be clever about the title. I think we have a winner people. It's raining, and that makes me happy. It's been so stinking hot and humid and WINDY here lately that rain was the only logical choice for what happens next, except until today it wouldn't freaking happen. Hot, Humid, Windy...and clear blue skies. Who does that other than the beach? My mind is slipping from me...or at least my memory. The mind thing is debatable only because I'm not sure I ever had one. Anyway, I was going to blog last night about this absolutely adorable thing The Smoodge did, but now, now I have no idea what that was. Just that it was absolutely adorable. And funny. Definitely worthy of blogginess. But no. The other thing I realized last night when I sat down to post was that I hardly ever take pictures of her anymore. I don't know what's up with that either. I guess I go through phases. One thing I HAVE to do sometime in the e...

I have this pissed mist hanging around me today. It's like that fog that always appears around werewolves you know? Just consider yourself warned.

Today's the day the eagle shits, so don't expect a real post from me. Maybe tonight...probably not though. Anyway, I just got this email and wanted to share with the world because, well, this is why I love A.Shine. I can always count on her for a random laugh in the middle of the day. I can completely see her working herself up. Subject: Twits and Meebs Dude, I think the Barracuda got to meebs which totally sucks. And your twits are killing me – I have no idea how to gain insight on what all this means if I can’t connect to meebs ! Anyhow, the world is not going to end just because of that so I shall stand down on those two points. The intro, the climax, the resolution. In three easy sentences.