floccinaucinihilipilification

I've spent the day on a House marathon, because I was too sick to go to work today. Running fevers, breaking them, getting chills, repeat. Oh, and then there is the excruciating muscle pain. Fortunately Dr House was there for me.

1. My legs hurt. 2. Tweezing your eyebrows is not for the faint of heart. Remind me to say thank you to the girl who first did this to me, beginning what is a lifetime of painful plucking and sneezing. You know who you are. Bitch. 3. "What are those?" "Painkillers." "Oh, for your leg." "Noooo, because they are yummy." 4. Pain is there for a reason. 5. I don't care what anyone tells you, allergies are contagious. 6. Geneticists are nosy sons of bitches. 7. Epopsy. Translation: Endoscopy.

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?cl=7164377 If that doesn't make you at the very least smile, then I suggest you go and get an enema of sunshine and flowers, because something has definitely crawled up your ass and died.

As I sit here an reminisce over the last two days, I am more than just a little exhausted, and even more perplexed as to where I should begin. Not that I've done a lot, I just feel like a lot has happened to me. Does that make sense? You ever feel like all you were doing was sitting around and every person that walked by you poked you in the ear with their slimy wet fingers? Yeah, me too. I Went to the Vet and All I Got Was This Lousy T-shirt So demon kitty went to the vet on Wednesday and was neutered and declawed (which I talk a bit about here , please keep up people), and he had to stay overnight so I picked up him Thursday morning. I'm not sure what I was expecting after his little surgeries. Perhaps mangled little paws (which he deserved) with little stitches poking out everywhere like a surgically induced Chia Pet and dried blood. But it wasn't like that at all. I went in, told the lady at the desk that I was in for my cat, and the vet tech came out and star...

There was a girl who died of boredom at work. the end.

One day I shall make a bag of chips that will last until one is finished with their jar of salsa. And it shall revolutionary and everyone will be in awe of my genius. And they will want to be me and I will say no, because there is only one me, and I am it. Once that task is accomplished, I shall work diligently on the shampoo and conditioner issue of the same strain.

By the way Fart Sniffer, I can totally see you when you leave here at 2:30pm, and I know you didn't get to work at 5:30am, so can we say SKIPPING OUT WAY EARLY? You and your FJ Cruiser...

I had an appointment today. A stressful, stupid appointment. It was at 1:00pm. And so my entire morning was shot being nervous about said stressful, stupid appointment. Finally, 12:15pm rolled around, and I headed to the appointment. I get to the place, and it's the wrong place. Go to the next door, they say. Fine. Put a sign up is all I'm saying. So I go to the RIGHT place, which is in the same place as the first place, just a different door. Anyway, I say, I'm here to see ******. They say, who? Ugh. I'M. HERE. TO. SEE. ********. Like if I say it slower and louder the SASH escapee behind the bulletproof glass will understand me better. Apparently it works, because he pulls out his big blue binder of phone numbers, looks up the name, and calls. No answer. Mr. MENSA (no, not the spanish word, the IQ thingie) looks at me and lets me know he's not at his desk, but he'll get a hold of him. Alright. Let me just go sit and waste time because, well, not like I have a j...

I should be doing something productive right now, like, you know, work? However, because the Stupid Calculator* can't do their damn job, I can't do mine. An exact quote from this morning: me- "Hey Stupid Calculator*, did you run the labor report yet?" SC*- "I didn't know I was supposed to." Now, I've been doing this job for...oh..let's say four months or so? And EVERY single week, the Stupid Calculator runs the labor report. In fact, they are the only one who can. And prior to me, my brilliant predecessor also had SC run the labor report. So that makes at least 1 year of the SC running the report. No one else, just them. NOBODY. So when they say this to me, I stand there, dumbfounded, utterly at a loss for words. All I can think is, "If it weren't for my horse, I would have never finished college." So I just turn and walk away. Welcome to my own personal hell.... * the names have been changed to protect those who are enti...

I just paid out $1072.26 in bills and I am not freaking out. Nope, not freaking out at all. Not even a little bit.....nope. Not me. This is me, NOT freaking out.

I'm not sure what the Easter equivalent to Bah Humbug is, but whatever it is, insert here. On a happier note, The Smoodge in all her Easter glory:

Sometimes in life I've learned that no matter how much you want something, it's just not the time for it. It doesn't matter what you believe in, sometimes your higher up kicks your ass in the opposite direction. I personally believe in God, and He's given me enough clues that now is not the time for my Honda Element...that I love so much...that I REALLY REALLY REALLY want. And no, this will not be a diatribe on religion. First, came the experience with CarMax yesterday. I went solely to test drive one I knew they had on their lot. While I was there, I figured I'd get my car appraised, and see what kind of financing I could get on my own. See my last car is financed with a co-signer, and I don't believe much in credit, so my car is really the only thing that I have debt on. No credit cards, no loans (as of a month ago, but that was a student loan, so it doesn't REALLY count), no medical bills...so I thought. But we'll get to that in a moment. So I get ...

1. Wells Fargo 2. Car salesmen who don't get that not gonna happen today means not gonna happen today 3. People who remove stuff from craigslist simply because they are bored 4. Sitting at home alone on a Friday night 5. Wells Fargo 6. That there are 900 miles between here and Kansas City 7. The craigslist thing again.

...and wave 'em like ya just don't ca-yare! The Smoodge showing off her new walking skills :) Ah Friday. The beginning of the weekend. The Smoodge knows how to bring it in in style. Everybody say HEY, HO, HEY, HO....Hip Hop HorrAY, HO.....

But really what I can't believe is that I ALMOST forgot to post tonight. Sheesh...only a few days in and I'm already slacking. You want to know why? Go head, ask me. Seriously. Ask me why. Ask me why I haven't posted yet today.... BECAUSE I've been looking at this !!! I want it sooooooo bad. Like a lot. Don't bid on it, don't you dare. Because tomorrow I'm going to call and see what kind of deal I can make with him in regards to my current ride. Because there is a pretty good chance that if we can make it work, then I'm going to load up the baby and a friend and drive to Kansas City and get it. And I swear that if someone bids on it before then, I will hunt them down and shove dull pencils into their eye sockets. Seriously. Don't test me. So yeah, I'm on a 'I'm gonna buy a new car' high! I keep looking at the pictures of it, all the pretty, pretty pictures. Keep your fingers crossed for me! As for my day, i...

It's amazing how boring you realize your life is when you force yourself to write about it everyday. I've been sitting here for the last ten minutes wondering what to write about, and sadly, I've come up with nothing. Nada. Zilch. It rained dirt here today. That was pretty cool. I squished a spider with my windshield wipers. I thought it was on the inside, but wasn't sure, so I turned on my wipers, and SQUISH. Left a red streak. Bet he never saw it coming. Okay, I think I've tortured you enough with my lack of conversation. Maybe tomorrow I'll be able to pick up the pace. :)

If you know me, then you know this is a phrase I use a lot. And what a great phrase. There are a few like that in the world. Sucking my will to live, like a monkey in a knife fight, the list goes on. So back to the sucking my will to live. Yeah, ex's are good like that. Except now it's gotten to the point where I want to ask the state of Texas why someone who qualifies for SASH should be allowed free reign with my daughter. Seriously. And that's all I have to say about that. St. Patrick's Day today, whoo-hoo! This date shall forever be engrained into my head, for one simple reason.... a BOY CALLED ME! Well, not really a boy, a full grown man, and NO, he was NOT looking for my over due bills. BUT STILL! Here's the scoop: I had a date planned with a nice man I had met through Match. We had been chatting, things were moving nicely e-long (get it, e-long, like along, but online? get it?). So we made plans to meet up one night. I got all flustered, c...

Tell me she's not the cutest thing EVER. Seriously.

...you guessed it, more friggin ' laundry. I'm not sure where it all comes from. I think the neighbors are sneaking in their laundry. A friend of mine recently said she couldn't imagine doing laundry for more than two people, and I feel her pain. I will say this though. It's a lot easier to do laundry for two GROWN people, than for one grown up and one little person. Man those tiny little socks are hard to match. The Smoodge needs to sleep in her own bed. I know, I know, you're thinking, what on earth is a 16 month old doing NOT sleeping in her own bed. That's an issue for later. Regardless, for today's intents and purposes, just know that she sleeps with me. Anyway, that needs to stop. She has gotten big enough that she can crawl out of my bed, and the sneaky little monkey has gotten good enough at it that she can do it without me knowing. Like the time when I woke up at about six in the morning to discover that she was sitting on my ni...

I guess I just figured out how to post a picture, so here's The Smoodge, in all her face painted glory!

Everyone else is doing it, why not me? I got the free time, and I got stuff to say, so here I am to say it. If you don't like it, DON'T LOOK AT IT. My car hates me. I have several theories as to why, one major one being who her co-owner/non-co-owner is, but regardless as to why, she hates me. And yes, she's a she. Anyway, I took her to Kwik Kar today because the A/C has been going out. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. And when the weather is nice, ain't no thang. But yesterday, YESTERDAY, in 95 degree heat and 5 o'clock particularly bad traffic, not so much. The dang car would blow nothing but hot air. If it were just me, I could handle it. I lived for quite a few years with a truck that had no A/C, and I could just roll down the window and I was fine. But with a one year old, nuh-uh. So this morning, I woke up, loaded up The Smoodge (that would be the one year old), and drove to Kwik Kar. Of course, on the drive, the A/C was working f...